memories.

I am known to be consumed by my thoughts, to be totally engulfed in what is going on in my head, so much that I am able to turn it in to somewhat of a life—somewhat of a reality.

Sometimes little things in everyday life transport me to places I want to be forever.

When a trigger hit the other day I was transported to the Hope House kitchen. Sitting at the table with the mommies. Starting into Rose Michelle’s face as she concentrates on my lips. I sound out the word “red” slowly, over exaggerating every movement my mouth and tongue make. In Creole the “R” is always pronounced like a “W” making it difficult for Haitians to speak English correctly. I look at her mouth and will it to mimic mine. “Red” she finally says, closely resembling “Wed,” but still, good enough for me. I smile at her and she reluctantly smiles back at me questioning her abilities. I affirm her of her success and we move on to the next color.

Again I am transported back.

Venethia says “Hello, how are you today?” I answer with the usual response and we carry on a conversation in the most polite manner. When I say something she cannot understand she smiles, shakes her head at me and then places her face in her hands demonstrating failure. Little does she know she is the most beautiful woman I know. I laugh with her and rub her back in affirmation. She looks up at me shyly and I try to explain to her in Creole what I am saying in English. She tells me I speak Creole better than she speaks English. She is always telling me I speak such great Creole; this makes me happy because she is the one who teaches me how.

Again my mind wanders.

I am in the courtyard at the Hope House standing with JR and Erin. Music is playing and we begin to dance. We are making complete fools out of ourselves trying to entertain everyone sitting down waiting for the movie to begin. I force Mommy Roseline to dance with us. She is laughing so hard out of embarrassment but I can tell she is having the time of her life. The music moves us and we are all laughing together.

The more my mind wanders the deeper it goes into my heart digging up memories that at the time didn’t seem like things I would long for.

I am walking up to the Hope House and I see Miseline standing to the right of the gate. She throws something at me and it lands in the dirt. I walk over and bend down to pick it up. A bracelet. Made from red and white beads and a rubber band, made so clearly with love. A token of her love for me. I slip it onto my left wrist and walk over to her. I ask her in Creole if she made this bracelet for me and she nods shyly.

A flash.

And I am bouncing a glass marble around the Hope House kitchen with Iverson. Hearing his laugh and his feet pattering across the kitchen floor. Seeing him smile and run to catch the marble that I just bounced across the room.

Again.

I am fixing Anna’s hair. For the first time I am able to test out my black hair styling abilities that I have been working so hard on. She protests and says no because I am a white girl but Miseline and Mina tell me I am doing well.

Even deeper.

I am walking away from the Hope House on my last night. Just relinquishing a crying Mishlove… the sun, by this time, had dropped low behind the mountains. Ashley, Abby Leo, and I are walking quietly away to the guesthouse. I hear my name being called. I turn back to see a mommy named Mariani, who never spoke up in class… Just a year older than me, and Miseline running toward me. Mariani puts her arm around me and I grab Miseline’s hand. It is hard to believe that Mariani is only 20. She is a mommy at the orphanage, a full time job caring for so many kids, but still just a year older. Christna, another mommy, joins us as we make the trek up the hill. About half way there we all hug and say goodbye again. I hug Miseline an extra time just for safekeeping. As we walk away I chance a look back at Miseline and take in her tall (for an eleven year old) figure for the last time, putting that image safely in a lock box right next to my heart to be kept there forever, free of dust and wear, so that I can take it out every so often and look at it and think back to the days that I spent endlessly with the most beautiful and kind children on the whole earth, the children that are so clearly the hope for Haiti and the future of their nation.

Next thing I know I am sitting at a table, surrounded with people who love me. Knowing that there is nowhere else God wants me to be than right where I am at this moment. Although I long for people or events from the past I know that there is no time but the present and God will use me no matter where I am.