Recently in one of my missions classes we were assigned the task of writing out our testimonies and sharing them in front of the class.
I realized that so many of you, particularly my parents, had never heard my story. So, here, I am posting my story. The story of how I came to know Jesus. I do not mean to offend anyone by doing this, I just need it to be heard. I need to share what God has done and what He can do.
I had always grown up attending church on Sundays and going to Sunday school. It was not until I became older that I realized my parents did not really believe in Jesus as the one true Son of God or The Messiah. I had known some people who had burned my brother and I with their words, trying to force Christianity upon us and made us hate Christians and the church. We were always bitter toward them and what they stood for after that. Before I found Christ my life was not so much a horror story like some people have but more of the beginning of one because I was so young. Some people, before finding Christ, will tell you about how they were drug addicts or alcoholics but for me it was different. I was not so outwardly a mess, but inside I was. In my school I was a mean girl, trashing other girls and turning their friends against them. My family life was never good, I had a bad relationship with my brother and my parents and I fought a lot. I guess you could say that before I became a Christian that was my major fault, ruining the lives of others through my selfish personality.
When I was in seventh grade I started to attend Journey Church with some of my friends and the more I learned about Jesus as a loving and accepting Lord the more I wanted Him in my life. When I was in seventh grade I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. After that my life actually drastically changed. I became a leader in my youth group, always getting involved and volunteering. God gave me joy and love for others. I grew to not only be so in love with Jesus but also fell in love with the body of Christ, the church, and the community of friends I had made. What I loved most about my church friends was their unconditional love for me, and most of all for the Lord. It was amazing to me how we had so much fun sober, while people at school began to turn to substances for a good time. Soon after that and all through high school I was a leader in my church community and my core group of friends were those that I had come to know at my church.
I went on a mission trip to Mexico when I was in eighth grade and that was when the Lord began to stir in my heart a passion for the nations and all of His people. It was not until my sophomore year of high school that I felt God call me to missions full time, on another trip to Mexico. My junior year I returned to Mexico over spring break and the following summer I went with a team of twelve to Mozambique, Africa. The Lord continued to affirm my heart for missions and only spurred it on.
All through out high school I struggled with my family. They were continually shooting me down and making fun of me for my faith. My brother developed a substance abuse problem and abandoned our family. The Lord held me and wiped the tears I cried so constantly for my brother and my parents throughout this time in my life.
After my senior year in high school I went on a mission trip to Haiti, I fell in love with this country and the beautiful people that God had placed in my life there. The next year I went to college. I had trusted the Lord and gotten accepted to one of the top colleges in the United States, it is only through God that I was there and that is how I knew He had something major planned for me over that year. The Lord taught me over that year about judgment and how to truly look at people with His eyes. I realized how judgmental I had become over the years and throughout that year God totally demolished my judgment.
During my freshman year of college I began to look away from my savior’s face and my eyes fell on my own intellect and prowess. I still did my quiet time in the word every single morning but I seemed to forget to pray. I began to have secular dreams about becoming a writer, photographer, or actress. Being in New York City made me dream of living there in the future and I began to question marriage and even the existence of romantic love with one person. Also while I was living in New York I developed an eating disorder called bulimia. I was convinced that I needed to be beautiful to the world when I knew all along that in Jesus I was truly beautiful. Part of this disorder was spurred on by the culture at Sarah Lawrence and not having support from great friends like I had at home. This culture was always cutting me down and never affirming me or building me up like I was so used to with my friends at home. I struggled with the side effects of this disorder throughout the summer, even after I landed an internship with Mission of Hope in Haiti and was well on my way to the Caribbean to spend my whole summer serving the Lord’s beautiful people.
Right before I left for Haiti the Lord preformed one of His miracles. My brother had been arrested and forced to go to drug treatment for his second time. I had been praying for him every single day all year and finally it was time. He submitted to the treatment and recently told me that he is happier than he has ever been. He rejoined our family and with his sobriety there came a relationship between us that had been absent for so many years. I praise the Lord everyday for His miracle. My brother now believes in God and is almost 7 months sober.
The Lord taught me so many things in Haiti last summer about His people and His will for my life all along. I learned that the Lord had put me at Sarah Lawrence for a year to learn so many valuable life lessons but now that that year was over it was time for me to go back to His calling on my life. The Lord clearly spoke to me and told me not to go back to college. So His plan began to unfold about taking a year off and doing a missions program somewhere while applying for transfers to other schools. While in Haiti I grew so much more in love with the Lord and His spirit and the way He held me and spoke to me. Jesus cured me of my mental state after my eating disorder. I believe that He told me I was beautiful and after that moment I began to laugh just thinking about myself before and how I was convinced I needed to be affirmed by the world.
God transforms.
Our God is so much greater than this world and the things that the world tries to distract us with. I truly believe that in His sight I am beautiful, that He is constantly wrapping me in His arms and fighting my battles for me. The Lord is truly my strength and my protector and He takes me back every time I give in to the world. I know, now, that the Lord can create miracles just like the ones I have witnessed over seas, just like the ones he has done in my life and just like the one in my brother’s life.
No one is too dirty for Him to love or for Him to use. I strive to be Jesus in this world. Despite the judgement and stereotypes I receive, all I want is to be like Him-- to love His people.
