beauty in the broken.

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I am really missing Vancouver. 
{1.} Vancouver as seen from a mountain top-- 
We went up a mountain one night and 
had an amazing time of prayer in the freezing cold.
 God really broke my heart for the 
North American Church as a whole. Generally speaking, I find 
that many churches are missing
the point of the Gospel. Jesus clearly favors the poor 
and the broken.
Let us truly be His hands and feet. 

{2.} My friend Kelly. Broken, blind, looking for her self-worth 
in a man she has to buy
booze to keep around. Someday, she will know her worth in God. 
She is his little princess. 
Beautiful, brave, and loving. She does not have
 to convince Him to love her. 
He already does. 

{3.} My best friend Howard striking and gangster pose... 
do not be deceived, 
Howard is a teddy bear once you talk to him. 
Smart, articulate, and kind. 
He lost everything when his best 
friend died and he began using. 
The last night he told me he loved this story: 

"One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only. This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord, “You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?” The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, 

my child, is when I carried you.”


let us reflect; let us be transformed.

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I wrote this paper for a class.
This is my overall reflection of my trip to Vancouver. 

            Leading up to the Vancouver trip I was so excited. I was excited to love on God’s children and serve in a place that seemed so desperate to hear the Word of God. Going into the week I had no idea how much this experience would change me and shape me to be who I am becoming in the Lord. With a heart full of anticipation I stepped off the Greyhound bus and walked the several blocks it took to get to East Hastings Street. When I approached the Carnegie Center so early in the morning I noticed the people around me; I noticed them and I felt fear well up inside of me. This fear came from not seeing properly; seeing with the eyes I grew up with and that many people possess in our in North American culture. Now that the week has come and gone I have realized that I have not only had the scales fall from my eyes but also I have had a heart transplant and a renewed mind that is more like my Savior’s.

            It is hard for me to differentiate what I have learned from what I have observed because I believe that I have been changed through and through by every experience, every gaze from hurting, searching people. In terms of education, all the ministries that I encountered over the week taught me a lot about how to reach people, about what to do and what not to do. I have learned so much about the workings of urban ministry and how hard it can be. One thing that God has opened my eyes to over the trip is how he favors the poor and the hurting. We read it in our Bibles all the time, but do we really know what it looks like for the weak to lead the strong? God clearly favors the poor. Everything that Jesus did was in relation to the poor and the weak. When Jesus communed with the wealthy He had a completely different air about him, an air of frustration because of their unwillingness to see past worldly things. God has truly opened my eyes to what it means to love the broken and to see them as His children, no less. Most of what I have learned over this week, I learned from people. I know now that I did not truly view all people as equals before my eyes were opened this week. I met so many people who were on the street because of a few bad decisions. My friend Howard was so smart, a world traveler. He began doing drugs when his life-long best friend died and he lost everything. Many people stereotype the homeless and broken as ignorant and self-destructive but this is rarely the case; people are so smart, they are beautiful. I learned what it means to know that we are all made in God’s image—an image of beauty, brains, creativeness, and love. Perhaps my experience was different because my brother is an addict, he could easily be living on East Hastings. I think I saw elements of him in so many of the people I met, elements of the person I love most in this world. In so many ways God taught me through my brokenness, He truly used the weak and the broken to lead me and transform my worldview.

            Observations… my eyes have never been exposed to so many things; drug deals, prostitutes, people shooting up, snorting, smoking. I observed street culture in all its glory and all its shame. I saw people trying to help. I saw people denying help. I observed a community. There is such a community on East Hastings, I was never fearful after that first day. The people there took us in, protected us and talked to us. I observed attempts to help, to break this unhealthy community and lifestyle. I saw gardens and green in amongst the drab grey pavement, perhaps representing hope growing where you least expect it. I observed pure desperation in people and in some, hope, light, and joy. I observed God at work, a work He started long before I was there and that He will continue long after I am gone. I met people in ruts that never desired to get off of drugs or get into housing but I also met people full of hope. I met Kelly, a blind mentally delayed woman who wanders around the DTES looking for her boyfriend, “Ken.” Although she buys alcohol for her boyfriend she, herself, has never and will never do drugs. She is full of hope for the future and despite her blindness she knows people by name, she hugs them and encourages them, like a young girl making light of her situation.

            I observed a lack of children and with that, a lack of censorship and modesty. During my time as a homeless person just wandering off the Greyhound and sleeping at the First United shelter I noticed that people rarely look you in the eyes. When “normal” people fear you or think you are homeless they don’t look you in the eyes, they don’t reciprocate an element of dignity with you like they would with so many others. I realized that I am guilty of this too. So many times I have not made eye contact with a person on the streets for fear they would ask me for money or harass me. I am overwhelmed with realization of this; I have experienced great guilt and shame. How can I call myself a follower of Christ if I do not even offer respect to people made in His image breathing His breath that He breathed into us? I find my heart breaking for North American Christians who have it backwards a lot of the time. We can easily talk the talk of the Gospel, but do we walk the walk? Do we truly love others as equals? All sin leads to death and the Lord knows that we have all sinned. This burden for the Church to be what the Church has been called to be is so heavy on my heart and my soul. I ache to share the true Gospel of Christ, the Gospel that gives dignity and hope to every human being. There is no such thing as women and men or American and African or poor and rich. There is only Christ. In Him we are united. We are equal. Some may say that this is a radical thought, that we will never gain equality in the eyes of society, but here is where God comes in. He makes the impossible possible; His son has covered us in His own blood. The world will not understand because to truly love does not make sense to the world. The Church can love like no one else can love because we are connected to the Creator of love.

            So how do we put this radical idea into action? How do I change my life according to what I have experienced? I honestly probably won’t make much time to fully commit to volunteering once a week at the Mustard Seed or Hope Mission but this change doesn’t necessarily have to be tied to volunteering at homeless shelters. I can start by looking people in the eyes and by truly seeing them. I am thankful to live in the area that I live in because right outside my door there are people homeless and wandering. I know that I will no longer be scared of them because they are people searching, just like me. I want to be intentional with those around me by learning names and letting joy overflow out of me onto those I interact with. I pray to be more like the Son, truly loving and holding nothing back. I want to be an inspiration in my Church here as well as when I go home. I want to help ignite a fire in the heart of the Church for God’s people, for our brothers and sisters. I pray that I would not loose this passion that has been placed ever so carefully in my heart over this past week. I want to always be intentional—I want to help people know their worth and know that God made them so carefully and intricately. I pray that I walk with confidence founded in Christ and a willingness to serve. I want love to exude from me. I want this love to be radical and accepting of everyone, showing them their worth. 


the church.

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In my preaching class this year (homiletics) we are required
to preach a sermon that we write and choose the topic
of all by ourselves. 

This video is an accurate depiction of my heart.
Just so happens to be what I am preaching my sermon over. 
Ephesians 4:1-6

roemay.

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This is Oppenheimer park. 
Many people who live on the streets in East
Hastings hang out at this park.
It was here that I met Roemay. 
A thin middle aged woman clearly under the influence of drugs. 
She was dressed as if she might work the streets but a sweet
smile cracked her hard face and gave her the gift of years gone by. 

As soon as I approached her she began to let me in on her story.
I could tell that she needed someone to listen.

She asked me how old I was... 20.
She told me her daughter would have been 20 soon.
Would have been... 

Her daughter was killed in a car accident. 
Her neck was snapped and she died instantly. 
This all happened two weeks after she and Roemay had
started talking again. 

Roemay has an eleven year old son that she has not seen 
since her daughter's funeral. She told me she "wanted
to get straight" so he could see her again.
She showed me their picture.  

Roemay told me that her daughter helped one of her friends
get sober before she died. Do it for her, I said. 

When our conversation ended she asked if she could hug me.
Of course I said yes. Never have I felt a more desperate
hug, so many things unsaid.
She told me that she loved talking to me because I was like 
her daughter. 

 She said that for a second she could pretend I was her
daughter and it made her happy again. 

Pray for Roemay. 

we all share the same sky.

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Regarding the people I spent time with this week hanging 
out on the streets.

If you have walked where they walk...
If you have slept where they sleep...
If you have eaten where they eat and eaten what they eat...
If you have sat where they sit...
If they know your name and you know their name... 
If you have, for a moment, seen what they see...
...And feel what they feel...

Cold.
Frustrated.
Lonely. 

If you lost hope... lost joy... looked for love..
What now?
Will you walk, sleep, eat, and feel differently?

Why?
How?

With purpose. 
With passion. 
Taking the nature of a servant. 
Humbled. 
Obedient. 
Seeing the crowds. 
Moved with compassion. 
Shining like the stars in the universe. 
Holding out the word of life...

Will their story change your story?

Will their path cross yours again?

beauty in the earth.

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I learned so much this week about community gardens. 
How the earth can bring people together to eat real foods and
have real times of community preparing meals together. 

I have always wanted a garden.
I have given up on this dream because I have accepted the fact that I
have to sacrifice some things to live over seas. 
To live differently. 

This week spurred in my heart to have a shared garden 
in my ministry with the women I will be ministering to
and living along side. 

There is just something about reaping from the earth
and eating how we were made to eat. 
And eating in community. 
We were all created to be in community. 

These days we have lost the art of gathering in houses.
We have lost the art of preparing meals together. 

We must send the message that all things can be renewed and remade,
including the earth. 
Let there be a touch of green beside every abandoned building. 

inspire.

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This week I ran across an art show on the downtown east side (DTES). 
All the art on display was created by street people. 
I even knew some friends who had contributed pieces! 

Everyone can create. 
It is just one way that we reflect God. 
Nothing is lost, nothing created. 
All is transformation. 

back home.

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Back in Edmonton after ten whole days with out showering
and countless hours sitting/sleeping on the street. 
This trip to Vancouver was amazing. 
I met so many inspiring people. 

God truly renewed and remade me. 
I have never seen people like I see them now. 

More to come...

van city.

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Tomorrow I depart for Vancouver on a Greyhound bus. 
I will sleep on the streets with one other person in my thrift store clothing and
only have two dollars to eat for two days. 

During the week I will be doing ministry, in a team of four people, 
 at many organizations
 focused on helping the homeless and street communities. 

Please pray for our team. 
Pray for safety. 
Pray for us to have Christ's eyes. 
Pray for our hearts to be open.
Pray for our lights to shine in the darkness. 

hectic-ness.

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I just got back from a glorious weekend in Calgary where
I celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving with my roommate Mandi 
and her 20 closest family members! 

Today... 
I finished a major research paper for Church History.
I still have so much homework to do. 


Next...
I leave for Vancouver to do street ministry for a little over a week 
on Thursday! 

So...
Between packing and homework tomorrow I will try to update
with some pictures etc. 

i learned how to love.

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It was this group of beautiful people who taught me how to truly love. 
Of course, I have known love my entire life. I was born into an amazing
family with parents who showered me with love. 
But to love truly is a selfless act, seeking nothing for yourself...
only to serve the other and see them as Christ sees them. 

The mommies at the Hope House in Haiti will probably never know
what they taught me, how they changed my life, how they 
opened my eyes to the details of my calling. 

These women taught me to appreciate the overlooked. 
While others are attracted to kids in ministry I am drawn to women.
I long to spend time in their presence, to learn from their 
life experiences. 

I know now that I am called to go above and beyond to 
serve hurting women all over this world. 
Everywhere I go I see these ladies. 
I still dream of their shy smiles. 
I long for their kind touch. 
I would give so much to just sit with them again.

When I was in Haiti I never dreamed I would someday 
be planting a church in Canada. 
At the kick off carnival for our westwood church plant 
I met two African ladies. I was, of course, immediately 
drawn to them. We talked for a long time and I found
out they were interested in attending the church. 

Every time after that, when I passed them at the carnival, 
they would call me by name, smiling. 
These women brought me back. 
I see my mommies in them. I want so badly 
to be a part of their lives. 

Pray for Shirley and Merial. 

Pray for broken women all over this world to truly know 
their value in Christ. 

ragin' asian party.

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In light of the coming Asia trip some of the first years threw
a dance party avec Asian cuisine. 

The invite insisted we dress up whether it was to the nines, in Asian gear,
or in just whatever we like... my roommates and 
I chose the last option. 
I know, I would want to give me 
a ring by spring too. 

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