I feel it is appropriate to address the subject of time, as so many are currently doing so.
Time passes, I do not expect anything different, I do not blame time for doing its age old job. But what is time? The time it takes the earth to rotate around the sun, the hours in a day, the minutes in an hour... What makes time so defining? It effects everything we are. Our relationships, our character, maturity, even the way we look... So how, over time, do memories fade? If time is relative then why do things we think, or even how we think, change with its movement?
Some memories are forever with a person while others simply go with time. Some can be put away.. and then uncovered, the dust wiped away, and looked at again. Time affects memories. There is no question about that. But where do the memories go when they are gone? What creates these illnesses that erase memories and speed time?
It has been over a month since I returned to this place. God, over time, has changed me. He has changed my heart and my mind... with the use of time.
In going back to New York I saw what I was missing, what new memories could be made over time this coming year. But the Lord placed my feet on solid ground. Although I saw all of these things I would be missing in the future and these places that I had made such wonderful memories I knew that the time for me to be there had passed.
This past weekend was my grandmother's funeral.
While in small town Mississippi my family and I visited a house that used to belong to a cousin, or an aunt.. or something along those lines. My family still owns the place and I can remember going there as a child. Visiting this house this weekend made me very aware of time. How it has passed and how it will continue passing for the rest of my life.
The house was surrounded by trees and the ground that it stood upon was covered in blankets of Mississippi grass. The sun was setting and as I walked around the property I saw the occasional flower emerging from the grass, fire red against the green, as if the earth had decided to purge the most beautiful thing it could create and set it atop the grass. The air was thick and hot, pressing in on every inch of my body, covering my skin with a layer of moisture that reminded me of being a child splashing around in the creek beside my grandmother's house.
It was almost as if I could hear the house speaking to me, with all the stories it held inside its walls that had been brought by the passage of time, as if I could hear the front porch groaning under the weight of family gatherings and endless pitchers of sweet iced tea... I could hear the sound of little feet pattering up and down the halls and smell grits coming from the kitchen while the porch swing gently swayed in the southern breeze.
Time defines a place. Attachments are made and severed. Bonds are formed and broken. And so it is with people.
For some reason this house, in all its glory, made me very aware of the passage of time and how I am using my time here on this earth. I cannot be selfish with my time and I believe it inevitable that I will always wish for more. I cannot keep to myself the beautiful things I have seen, I must go forth using my time wisely and striving to live with no regrets. I must be a magnificent woman of the Lord just like my grandmother was. Because it is with the passage of time that I have realized that one thing never changes... He never wares or changes His feelings toward us... He never forgets us like fading memories. All God wants is for His children to love Him and to take His place in this world, among His people. So I know that the passage of time can take tolls on us as human beings, it can take people away from us and bring in new ones, but the most important thing we must do with this precious time we are given is love the Lord and love the people He has placed on this earth, because Jesus took our place so now, with the time we are given, we have to take His here.
